Who Would Chose?

I had a doctor pretty much tell me to suffer a few days ago as if my pain wan't important enough because it didn't require surgery (and believe me, I'm thankful for that...now if only the pain went away just because it doesn't require surgery.)

The past few days on the RA boards I frequent I've read repeatedly about people being told they are malingerers. That's a lovely word for what people really mean...

It's all in your head (ironically, right now it is in my head...and my neck)

You're lazy...

If you just got up and moved around more you would feel better....

Lose a few pounds and your joints won't hurt as much ...

It's got me thinking, who would chose to be sick? I know there are those out there that take advantage of disability (though its hard to understand how they can get it when it's so hard for those with a disease to actually get it) payments. There are those that want to sit on the couch and have someone else do the work for them. I would guess there are those that enjoy taking pain medication...

Anyone that hurts wouldn't chose this. If I could wake up tomorrow and just be able physically, the first thing I would do is pack up my family and take them all to Italy. I would travel, I would volunteer at my daughter's school. Heck, I might even run for a position on the PTO board. I would go back to school fulltime so I could train for a job so I could support myself again (even though my husband does a lovely job of supporting us now). I would walk every museum in Chicago, go on every chocolate tour I could find, take my daughter to the zoo and then finish up with a trip to Great America...and that's what I would do just during the first month, after that the skies the limit.

It's not that I don't chose to do these things, I just can't. Or if I do, I pay, dearly. Who would chose this life? Who would act like this if they didn't have too?

I miss my life. I don't want to spend every minute in pain, and then have to defend that pain to a doctor who says it isn't enough. That truly is insult to injury.

Every day I get up and I chose, what I chose is to get out of bed even though I hurt, I chose to be good to myself and my family, I chose to help those around me to the best of my ability (sometimes I surprise myself and sometimes I fail miserably, I do my best), I chose at night to hide my tears when I hurt badly, I chose to pray that God will help me through another day....

But in the end, I don't chose this...this is what I've been given, I make the best of what I have....but this is not how I want to live...I only wish I could make the people around me understand that...