Ugh!

Today I was going to post about my missing eyebrow but I just can't be funny because I'm sad. I got the results back from my CT Scan and they show that my ankle hasn't fused.

When I went back to my surgeon it was with the thought that I would eventually be having surgery because the fusion was a failure. At that point I was told that it looked like there could possibly be some parts that had fused and that we could take more time and see if it would finish fusing naturaly. I was given hope I guess and I got used to the idea of no surgery. In fact, after I got over the shock I embraced the idea, and now, surgery.

There are so many things just for me that I worry about with my health on top of just having surgery, you know my sanity falls in there somewhere, too. But I have a family that is over loaded at the moment and when they hear about another surgery, I just don't know where the energy and patience is going to come from. I'm just not sure there is enough, between my neck and back and then going through dropping all meds to do a surgery and trying to keep my adrenals from arguing it's going to take a miracle. When I tell my endocrinologist what is going on he's going to flip his lid.

Sometimes I feel like such a huge burden, its hard to stand my own body for doing this to me and my loved ones. Today it is truly not fair....